So, I'm left with worshipping the Sun,
a glass of water, or maybe this Hamburger from McDonald's. My
opinion is that God killed himself a long time ago, which would explain
his absence. He was a miserable guy anyway. Or, the alternate
explanation is that he cares deeply, and, aside from dropping by to
alter the outcomes of sporting events, he really doesn't intervene
all that much. He lets somebody else take all the blame for a child
getting cancer and instead takes all the credit if the kid recovers.
This makes me think of the firefighter who sets the very blazes he
later puts out in order to become a hero. The McDonald's Hamburger
is looking pretty good.
So, we've eliminated all the major
religions. I assume there's a minor religion that takes care
of this little rogue-deity problem. Oh wait, we can blame Satan.
Only Satan would give kids cancer and send Hurricanes into major
population centers. Wait again. We never blame Satan for the
weather. Instead we blame Mother Nature. Let that bitch take the
rap.
Atheism has very little to say on just
about every subject.
An Atheist's Eulogy
“Oh, let us pray for little Timmy.
Actually, never mind. Little Timmy is in a better place. Forget
that one too. I got nothing for ya. Little Timmy is dead now. Like
that fern you stuck in the corner and kept forgetting to water.
Except the fern is obviously going to Heaven. We can't say the same
for Timmy.”
An Agnostic's Eulogy
“Oh, let us pray for
little Timmy. An un-named deity gave him Cancer. If I was a betting
man I'd say that little Timmy is in a better place now, but we'll
never know for sure. All we can really say for sure is that we won't
hear anymore screaming.”
So, I guess we had to invent
religion in order to fill up all the extra air-time at funerals. So,
when you see me bringing McDonald's Hamburgers to a funeral, please
understand that I'm paying my respects the best way I know how.
