Alaska

Just when we've finally got enough cops, doctors, and lawyers, to fill the E.R and the swanky corner office with a two year supply of donuts, now we learn that we need plenty of shows about Alaska too.  We've got some idiots with annoying facial hair mining for gold, we've got a new show where some people fly a plane to remote areas and deliver porn, and we've got Sarah Palin.  What is there to say about her that hasn't already been said?  I wouldn't fuck her with a ten foot dick or a even a stolen dick - whichever happens to be nearby.  I'll leave it there.

We'll have a new season of Deadliest Catch soon which is getting tiring after years of watching fishermen catch crabs, transfer crabs onto shelves, sort crabs, and finally, transfer crabs into tanks.  Even the concocted drama aspect of the show is getting old.  Will they catch enough crabs?  Will they run into a snowstorm?  Will the traps have enough crabs in them after this commercial?

I'd like to see a show called, "Alaska:  It's Just Too Fucking Cold Here."  I know what you're thinking.  But the wild, final frontier, nature of Alaska is so beautiful!  A hypothermia victim is a beautiful sight to a starving polar bear.  Let's have another show called, "Alaska:  Let's Plunder Its Resources While We're Still Able."  There's a reason why there are no drilling rigs or miners in Malibu.  It's just too nice and we wouldn't want to fuck it up.

They had a show called "Ice Road Truckers."  I kinda liked that one.  The truckers had to deliver equipment to a well-capitalized, corporate mining operation.  Occasionally a truck would fall through the ice into a lake just after the commercial.  That one was good.  The newest one is, "Alaska:  Gold Rush."  This one features a half-dozen fools, their children, and an old guy with an irritating, squeaky, old man voice, who likes to drive a tractor into a ditch while shouting to his idiot son, "There's gold in that ditch!"  His irritating voice is offset by his gray beard which is, thankfully, well-trimmed.  Anyway, he narrowly misses the ditch and runs over another miner's child.  A hungry bear sees a fresh ground beef brunch, so he runs over to eat the child's remains.  This show has some promise.

But they're idiots.  Agnico Eagle Mines (NYSE: AEM) can pull gold out of the ground at a cost of $420 per ounce.  I doubt the idiots find much gold and I doubt their cost-basis is anywhere under the spot price when the show was filmed.  Instead of putting all their money into tractors and supplies, they should have just bought a precious metals ETF.