The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug - a movie review

Today's movie review promises to be a good one.  We're going to have a look at Peter Jackson's excellent film, 'The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug.'  It's the second installment in the three-part film series based on the The Hobbit by J. R. R. R. R. R. R. R. R. R. R. R. R. R. R. R. R. R. R. R. R. R. Tolkien.  The story focuses on a Hobbit and his quest to find a suitable Christmas present for his elderly mother.

This movie is nothing like the cover.  I feel ripped off.

I must have misread the blurbs on the back of the DVD.  It's a documentary, and it's about the ongoing problem with Smaug.  It turns out it's not about a short, drawf-like creature such as Tom Cruise, it's actually about polluted air.  It's currently plaguing the Chinese, and mainly comes from cars.

According to the narrator (I think it's Sean Penn) we should all go back to riding horses, throwing buckets of piss out the window, and eating non-genetically modified sewage for breakfast.  I don't know what this has to do with Smaug. 

In the meantime we can learn how to save our buddy from choking on a piece of turkey. 

I only watched the first part of this stupid movie so it gets an incomplete, but if I could I would give it -10 stars out of 5.  It was that shitty.