Copernicus

Copernicus, first name Earl, is believed to have been born in 1473 in Thorn, an unincorporated hamlet located in Royal Prussia. Among historians there is widespread disagreement as to precisely where Royal Prussia is located, some believing it to be near Russia, others insisting that it's in Poland. What remains clear is that we may never know.

Nostradamus, first name Dustin, a favorite drinking buddy of Copernicus, was an uncredited influence on some of his most famous theories, including the heliocentric theory of the solar system. Scribbling drawings on bar napkins with a number zero pencil (it would be centuries later until the development of the number two pencil) the duo explored the depths of astronomy.

In 1499 the two were often seen together at O'Leary's pub in New South Hamptonshire in London, England. Despite lacking proper scientific equipment, they fashioned a telescope out of a rocks glass that happened to be poorly manufactured, and thus allowed light to refract and magnify distant objects. This led to Copernicuses famous theory of Heliocentricity, which remains to this day as one of the standout theories developed while drunk.

Stated simply, the theory states that the Earth is not the center of the universe and actually revolves
around the Sun. Of course, these names were not widely used in the 15th century. His original theory,
published in the Washington Post in 1501, ran under the headlline "Lumpy dirt ball spins around yellow fire ball."

Sadly, he died at some point and never lived to see the legacy of his discoveries. The legacy of his
discoveries being that he was totally wrong. It was proven years after his death that the Earth is not a
ball but somewhat flat, more like Ashlee Simpson's singing, and the Sun is held in place by a large Space Stick, which allows it to move from side to side much like a pendulum in an upside down grandfather clock.