The Worst Commercials

Here's my diatribe on the five worst commercials.

5) All insurance commercials are bad, and I'm not just being hyperbolic.  Insurance products are a waste of money.  "I want a policy that protects my house if aliens with death-rays attack."  I'll take the other side of that bet!  Anyway, the USAA commercials are especially atrocious.  They spend 23 seconds worshipping the military and the last 7 with, "Oh, by the way, please buy our amazing car insurance." 

4) I may as well scream at a tree.  Tell me, just how does a pig hold anything, much less use it, with a hoof?

3) Maybe I'll scream at a rock instead.  Nationwide calls this 'Brand New Belongings.'  The fine print says this feature is optional.  It probably costs an extra $1,000,000 a month.  Nationwide will replace your coffee pot and toaster if they are stolen.   I understand burglars are targeting kitchen appliances.   What a great deal!  After spending $1,000,000 in premiums, Nationwide will spend $5 on Amazon and get you a new toaster.  And it's not even a four slice model.  Does anybody look at this shit before it goes out the door?

2) The Trivago commercial itself isn't so awful but they've been showing it over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, until I bleed from the eyes and ears.  I wish the GEICO pig would shoot the Trivago guy in the head multiple times, and then turn the gun on himself.  I assume the GEICO pig can hold a gun with his hooves.

1) Every insurance commercial you've ever seen.  Every last one.  Especially the State Farm ones.  They get an honorable mention.  Teleportation is their main offense to humanity, but they should be on this list.