This Rare Disease is Amazing!

So, I've been recently (over a year now) diagnosed with Multiple System Atrophy.  It's a disease of exclusion, meaning that it's the doctor way of saying, "I don't fucking know.  Have you tried The 700 Club?"  But doctors aren't allowed to say, "I don't know" or they'll be forced to sit at the crappy table at the hospital cafeteria.  And the other doctors will be mean to them, like lowering the tire pressure in the offending doctor's Porsche all the way to the upper twenties.

I wrote all about this here and here.  It's been well over four years ago since I wrote those pieces.  In actuality I can probably trace the start of this thing way back to 07/08 when my alcohol tolerance started changing.

Q: Your tolerance began changing?

A: Didn't I just say that?

Q: You can't answer a question with a question. 

A: It's my fucking blog.  I can do anything I want.  Asshole.

Q: I don't like you. 

A: Opinions vary.  Next questioner.

Q: Your tolerance began changing?

A: Mainly my speech would become slurred way before it should. 

Q: Just how rare are we talking?

A: Fill up the Rose Bowl and besides me there may be a couple of other people there with it.  Even some doctors haven't heard of it and they are omniscient.

Q: So, tell me, what's it like to have a degenerative neurological disorder?

A: Oh it's super-amazing, like bacon-bits on a salad!  Maybe croutons.  Actually, it's like having a malevolent child running through my increasingly useless body, setting fires and plundering the community.  Kind of like that kid in that Twilight Zone episode.

Sports Person of the Year

Below is a picture of some sports equipment, or, jock things, as they are known in the community of jocks.

I have no idea why an umpire's mask is in the picture.  An umpire is a jock with math skills.  At any rate, it doesn't belong.  You don't care!

Anyway, we're here to present the immensely coveted Sports Person of the Year award.  Previous winners include Michael Vick (for kicking a dog the farthest) and Plaxico Burress for his name.  The thing that really impressed our judges was Plaxico shooting himself in the groin.

Without further adieu.  By the way what the hell is an adieu?

"There will be a short adieu in your flight."

"There's going to be an adieu in your surgery.  We can't find the doctor.  He must be on another bender."

But anyway, this year's immensely coveted Sports Person of the Year award goes to Tavoris Cloud.  Mr. Cloud is a professional boxer and according to Wikipedia, he had a "tough childhood."  But who cares.  The main thing is that he's got an incredible name.

First off, what the heck is a Tavoris?  Is it a cough suppressant?  Is it a dinosaur?  Secondly, the cloud is hot right now and we can't think of a better buzzword.