Five Nation Army

The current thing amongst sports fans is to sing (well, something similar anyway) the first several notes from the song, 'Five Nation Army,' and then repeat, over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over until my ears start bleeding.  It's the very same song that Hitler's soldiers sang as they ravaged Europe.  Anywho, the fan's goal is to induce a rally or something.  Maybe it's mass vomiting in the stadium that they're trying to induce.  I don't know.  I don't follow this shit - you tell me.  I wonder if they've ever actually listened to the lyrics?  The lyrics are reprinted below.

Mother dear, I'm writing you from somewhere in France,

Sergeant says I'm doing fine, a soldier and a half,

Here's a song that we'll all sing, it'll make laugh!

We're gonna hang out the washing on the Siegfried Line,

Have you any dirty washing, mother dear?

We're gonna hang out the washing on the Siegfried Line,

Cause the washing day is here.

Whether the weather may be wet or fine,

We just rub along without a care!

We're gonna hang out the washing on the Siegfried Line,

If the Siegfried Line's still there!

We're gonna hang out the washing on the Siegfried Line,

Have you any dirty washing, mother dear?

We're gonna hang out the washing on the Siegfried Line,

‘Cause the washing day is here.

Whether the weather may be wet or fine,

We'll just rub along without a care!

We're gonna hang out the washing on the Siegfried Line,

If the Siegfried Line's still there!

Everybody's mucking in and doing their job,

Wearing a great big smile.

Everybody's got to keep their spirit up today,

if you want to keep in swing,

Here's a song to sing;

We're gonna hang out the washing on the Siegfried Line,

Have you any dirty washing, mother dear?

We're gonna hang out the washing on the Siegfried Line,

Why? ‘Cause the washing day is here.

Now whether the weather may be wet or fine,

Well we'll just rub along without a care!

We're going to hang out the washing on the Siegfried Line,

Well if the Siegfried Line's still there!

Whether the weather may be wet or fine,

We'll just rub along without a care!

We're gonna hang out the washing on the Siegfried Line,

If the Siegfried Line's still there!

Facial Hair

How might history be different if Hitler had an Abe Lincoln beard instead of his famous mustache?  What came first, Hitler or the Hitler mustache?  Would he still have had to violently seize Danzig if he wore a Lincoln beard?  And just why did Neville Chamberlain love punk rock so much?  Was the conflagration of Europe a foregone conclusion?  What about other bands, like the Ramones?  Is this why they were so popular in England?  What if Lincoln had a Hitler mustache?  Would John Wilkes Booth still have assassinated him?  These questions have been plaguing historians for decades - like an untreated venereal disease plagues a sailor.

First off, Hitler tried a number of facial hair styles but landed on the Hitler mustache because, for whatever reason, that's what Eva wanted.  It was purely coincidental that it was called a Hitler mustache.  He assumed this was yet another sign from God that he was supposed to be in charge of killing all the Jews.

In his autobiographical manifesto, 'Mein Kampf,' Hitler explains the facial hair decision.  "Ich wollte einen Spitzbart, der Art wie Shakespeare, aber die Schlampe Eva sagte der Führer sollte einen Hitlerbart haben."  I don't speak German so I asked a homeless man standing on the corner of a busy intersection holding a cardboard sign to translate the passage.  His translation is below:

"Get the fuck off my corner, asshole!  There ain't much sunlight left!  Find your own fucking place to stand!"

It turns out that the autobiographical manifesto, 'Mein Kampf,' is laced with profanity and isn't suitable reading for children.  I guess I'll have to reorder those Christmas presents.

What was I writing?  I've lost my train of thought.  I guess it wasn't important.