Pleasant Thoughts

I've come the conclusion that this is probably as good as it gets. The dead don't have much to say about current events. You'd figure by now some clever dead guy would give us a hearty, “Hello!” But nothing. Nothing from Houdini. Nothing from Abraham Lincoln. And nothing from Hitler. Not even a “Hey! How's it going? BTW, death to the Jews!” The only one who has anything to say is Jesus and he has to talk through portals, like Pat Robertson, who make interpretations for us, because we're too thick-headed to understand.

I don't buy it. Just like Bigfoot or the Loch Ness monster. An argument can be made for UFOs, however. Anyway, we invented the shit because life got boring and we had to keep ourselves amused, or, in the case of God, we invented some hokum about “your rewards are in Heaven,” so everybody would get back to work and not fuck-up the balance sheet. Otherwise, people would say, “Fuck you!” to their supervisor and enroll in community college to take a course in literature, or baking, or some such thing. But I'm not a believer, so as a result, I've never seen a Bigfoot, a UFO, or even the alleged God or his dead son, Jesus. As long as I'm in the area, doesn't this marketing line seem a little OJ to you?

“He loves you so much that he allowed his only son to get murdered.”

How about a marketing line we can all agree on? One that isn't so violent.

“He loves you so much that you can eat the last Chocolate chip cookie.”

The old man didn't throw up any road-blocks for the Romans? He just let them kill his son and, although I'm no expert as a single guy, a parent would never allow this to happen without a big fight. Maybe God could have used a woman's opinion. Why didn't he marry Mary, anyway?

So, back to my original thesis, that this is probably as good as it gets. I think life is much like any Soprano's episode. Lots of un-answered questions and lots of violence. Nobody is minding the store, and God, if he ever existed in the first place, probably killed himself a long time ago, after years of wringing his hands over how it all turned out.

I never gave a second (or even a first) thought to how this might turn out. I guess I'm old now. The correct answer is 'badly.' It all ends in a hole in the ground, or in a furnace. Then, it won't be long before everybody you knew winds up there too. Before you know it, nobody will be left that knew you. You'll be forgotten like the runner-up at this year's Daytona 500, or this year's Master's tournament.

So, Heaven and Hell are clearly on Earth. We're on our own here.