The Kids Are Alright (the PBS Kids aren't)

Today, I examine the PBS Kids lineup.  Not only do I discover just how insipid this shit is, but I find out that it's an abomination of the worst sort.  Kind of like Nancy Reagan.

As you can see, the PBS Kids are all fucked up.  In addition to the googly eyes that will probably cost thousands (elective surgery) to fix, note the many missing fingers, and the threatening fist-like thing the PBS boy is brandishing.  Who is he going to hit?

But anyway, let's have a look at their craptastic shows.

1. The Wild Kratts.  It's not completely without merit, but still is annoying.  The Kratt brothers should be locked up. 
2. Peg + Cat.  What is this shit and why is a black man playing an accordian and celebrating  Hanukkah with Albert Einstein and other white people?  They're really pushing reality on this one.
3. Thomas and Friends.  I like trains just fine but they're totally ignoring the fact that steam powered trains went the way of the dinosaurs a long time ago.  And they're actively teaching kids about it with guys who are wearing bald rockstar hats and pulling levers.  It's 1855 at PBS.
4. Super Why.  Maybe an exclamation point goes in the title. !!!!!.  So, there's some.  This is worse than what Hitler had for lunch in the conference room.  They sing every 2-5 minutes and some PBS reject sings to be certain that we get the point.  This show hates me.  Why is PBS so cruel?
5. Curious George.  I think there should be a special episode where George is curious about fire and he burns down the Super Readers book club.  Then he gets curious about guns and kills everybody in the PBS offices.  Then he gets curious about alcohol and woodworking and cuts off his arm.
6. Some Show.  There's some crap show that features a Mr. Roger's Neighborhood soundtrack and tigers singing about how much they love everything.  I didn't see much of this one because I was busy taking hostages with my plastic utensils.