5 Things My Parental Units Never Told Me

In no particular order.  The following list could have really come in handy.

1) "Never trust anybody over twenty."  This is an old hippie saying but I've lowered the age from thirty to twenty.  One could lower it even more but twenty is a nice, even number.

2) "Look out for that Tom guy.  He's fucking crazy."

3) "Stay off the yellow brick road.  Your father was on his hands and knees scrubbing it."

4) "Do you want to stay in a larger petri dish?"

5) "Put that rusty can down.  You'll get an infection."