Positive Statements

We're going to focus on the positive, because negativity can get you down.  As mother always said, "Fuck you, negativity!"  She also said, "Don't wear your sisters clothes - Jesus will cut your dick off."  Anyway -

Positive statements

• The Trivago guy is better than a leaking barrel of toxic waste.
• The State Farm commercials are better than being sodomized by a prison guard with a migraine and a broken off mop handle.

Let's add an exclamation point to increase the positivity.

Positive statements but with an exclamation point to increase the positivity

• The Nationwide commercials are better than being told, "... if you don't convert to Islam we'll cut your fucking head off!  Hey infidel, is that the new iPhone?  My contract is up soon!"
• The GEICO commercials are better than getting run over by a dump truck with a double rear axle!
• As one gets older, winter gets shorter and shorter!  (assuming one hates winter)
• Waking up next to a dead hooker isn't that unusual!  Don't panic!
• Commercials with Blake Griffin are better than a sexually transmitted disease!