Simply skip over the following items until you find the one that applies to your life.
- My thought world is all jacked.
Q: What should I do?
A: Shoot yourself in the head.
- My son had a bad report card.
Q: What should I do?
A: Shoot yourself in the head.
- I'm having chest pains and experiencing shortness of breath.
Q: What should I do?
A: You're probably having a cardiac incident. You should shoot yourself in the head.
- I don't have a firearm.
Q: What should I do?
A: You can jump out the window. Why don't you Google 'suicide methods'?
- I just shot myself in the head. But I survived.
Q: What should I do?
A: Try putting the gun in your mouth, jump out a window, or just try running into traffic. How should I know?
- I'm dead but don't care much for it. Nothing like the Jehovas Witnesses brochures. You can't have pets either.
Q: What should I do?
A: Try jumping out a window, or run into traffic - assuming there's any traffic. How should I know?
- There are no windows here and there's no traffic either.
Q: What should I do?
A: You should - never mind.
- Wait! What?
Q: What were you going to say?
A: Nothing. Forget it.
- I said that I don't like it! I really don't like this Nazi dentist either. He keeps asking if "It's safe?"
Q: What should I do?
A: Tell him it's safe and run away.
- I think I went to Hell.
Q: What should I do?
A: Stop haunting me.
- Wait! What?
Q: What did you say?*WARNING! The second person POV is used rather liberally throughout this post.
A: I said stop haunting me, now go away you demonic fuck.
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