Letters

I was headed out to the mailbox to mail some letters when it occurred to me that you might like to read my important communiqués.

Letter #1

General Electric Company
3135 Easton Turnpike
Fairfield, CT 06828

Dear General Electric,

I recently purchased the CCR0512FP AC/DC Rectifier and was rather disappointed.  My thermal equilibrium is Maxwellian and the Zeroth Law of Thermodynamics states, "... a system is said to be in thermal equilibrium with itself if the temperature within the system is spatially and temporally uniform."  This was not mentioned in the PDF.  As a consequence, I had to redesign my doomsday weapon to account for the fucked-up nature of the CCR0512 FP's thermal equilibrium.  Please address.  Thank you.

Sincerely,

Stephen Thornhill

Letter #2

McCormick & Company, Inc.
18 Loveton Circle
Sparks, MD 21152

Dear McCormick Tartar Sauce Company,

Your Tartar sauce is an especially good additive to my Gorton's fish sticks.  I'm thinking of serving fish sticks (with your fine Tartar sauce, of course) at one of my numerous dinner parties.

Sincerely,

Stephen Thornhill