Umpires and Typewriters

Today we ask the question, Which one of the following is more hopelessly, tragically, ridiculously, pathetically obsolete, the typewriter or the MLB umpire?  This question was asked in my online poll, Which one of the following is more hopelessly, tragically, ridiculously, pathetically obsolete, the typewriter or the MLB umpire?

The vast majority (100%) answered that the MLB Umpire is hopelessly, tragically, ridiculously, pathetically obsolete.  The voters (so far just me) also commented, "This is fucking stupid.  This poll is dumb.  Do something else with your time besides put up dumb shit.  I want my mortality back, fucker."

Let's compare them.  Let's assume, for the sake of discussion, that you're stranded in a remote place, you're Naked and Afraid, and all you can take with you is a typewriter or an MLB umpire.

Things you can do with a typewriter:

• Smash cocoanuts open.
• Beat a wild animal.  (fish, hog, MLB umpire, etc.)
• Write a message in a bottle.  Suggestions:

1. Will U rescue me?
2. HELP!  HELP!  HELP! 
3. I'm stuck on this island with an obsolete MLB umpire.  Help me, please.

• Write the great American novel.
• Write a suicide note.

Things you can do with an MLB umpire:

• Determine if a runner is safe or out.  (subject to instant replay)
• Determine if a ball is fair or foul.  (subject to instant replay)
• Determine if a pitch is a ball or strike.  (subject to PitchTrax)